BREAK-UPS ARE LIKE A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

It is my birthday on Wednesday.  Do you ever feel like when your birthday comes around, it is also a time for reflection and feelings of nostalgia?  

I want to talk about love, the relationship between a man and a woman, kind-of-love.  I have been lucky to have been in love twice, and loved well.  I've been in a long-term relationship where that love didn't exist as well.  As much as I am grateful for all of those experiences - they have carried themselves into the next phases of my life, for better or for worse.  

SUPPORT -

My two times in love, I recognized, had a monumental characteristic that made us successful.  These two loves ended for their own reasons- one was a mystery and the other was over distance and different priorities.  What I remember though was the supportive nature of both the men I dated.  They were my cheerleaders - they praised me and were proud to talk about me to others.  I remember them both writing me long love letters professing their love and saying good things about me.  I remember sitting around dinner with friends, and my boyfriend talking about the article published about me in the newspaper.  I could always count on having a fan in the audience back in the day when I performed.  I have a lot of spirit in the things I like to do such as singing, writing, styling, as well as working in the community.  It felt good to have someone recognize me and validate me.   Support is something I wish all women would look for in their partners, allowing them to shine in what they are good at and praised for it - and I don't mean just the things we do for others, but being praised for who we are - "You are beautiful.  You are smart.  You are courageous.  You are good at this (self-talent)."  Because I have been shown this kind of love...I don't put up with less than.  Perhaps, that is my downfall and why I have been single for so long.  But now, I have high expectations for men, knowing that they CAN do it.  Lovelies, it does take two to tango, though.  I was also in awe of them.  Not obsession - but admiration.  So as much as you need someone to cherish you, you must be a fan girl as well.   

DEATH -

Someone once told me that breakups are like a death in the family.  You will never see them again - at least not in the way it was, the book is closed and it is over.  My exes do not come around.  I know some people end up being friends with their exes, but I prefer not to.  I believe they do not come around in respect for our past but also in respect to their future.  For me, I'd rather keep our memories locked away in a treasure chest in my imagination as a keepsake.  Being friends with my ex would change our relationship, and I personally would rather cherish it for what it was during that time.  Does anyone else resonate with this?

SELF-WORTH -

My biggest lesson through dating is to believe in yourself and value yourself.  I've had a long time to experience and gain wisdom in the dating world.  I have been lucky in love, and not.  But at least I can tell the difference.  I've also had a lot of time to work on myself.  So, I am looking for someone who also has worked on himself.  Navigating into my next relationship...I know I have to accommodate a person's strengths and weaknesses, quirks, and so on...but they will also have to work with mine.  Everyone's bucket is filled differently, but as a woman in her very late 30s now...my wisdom for you is to not be afraid to communicate what you want and need.  This doesn't go without doing the same for your partner...but I do know that women not asking for things, hoping men will just read our minds can spiral.  Practice saying, "I need you to do this for me because it makes me feel like this _______".  Sometimes, it's just an understanding.  Secondly, ask them to ask you questions.  Curiosity will allow him to learn more about you and you will feel validated.  Words are so powerful.

I think women are natural givers, so I encourage you to practice using these communication tools.  

 **If you enjoyed what you read today, please help support me in my goal of raising $1200 for a new laptop, so I can download a writing app to write my novel.  Feel free to write in any amount.  Subscriptions will give you access to exclusive things in my boutique and writing (I am still working on updating the levels).  

XOXO,

Eve